Zombies are stupid. Throw socks at them

The undead return for a second attempt at overthrowing the Rhodes campus and this time the fight for survival is even greater

The completion of the Final Mission (top), Kendall Sidey and Jason McMillan taking refuge in the passage below the Geography Department to avoid the hordes of Zombies after them. Pictures: DAVID HARDING

By Stuart Thembisile Lewis
If you are reading this article, it means you survived the zombie apocalypse. You either fought desperately with tooth, nail and sock to avoid the gnashing jaws of your fellow students or you were, like this reporter, bitten and treated with the antidote.
The second Humans vs Zombies in under a year struck campus at the beginning of Live Smart Week, forcing panic-stricken first years and veterans of previous contaminations to band together in defence of the human race.
Luckily, for the good people of Grahamstown, dedicated members of Game Soc were on hand to coordinate nightly missions against the Zombie hordes that were spotted crawling across campus under the cover of darkness. Within minutes of first infection, moderators had set up safe zombie-free zones inside all buildings on campus and places like the Day Kaif.
“With students having been back such a short time, it was difficult to coordinate the masses needed,” said game administrator Monique Mulholland, but organisers still managed to pull 353 Rhodes students and staff members into the fray.
The Oppidan Press can now reveal that the source of infection was two local university students Greg Corder and Martha Soteriades, designated Patient Zero and Patient ZeroPointTwo respectively by the government clean up teams.
“It was about 8:00 am on the Monday. I saw a zombie walk up to a girl and bite her. She protested, but upon being shown something on the zombie’s cell phone, immediately became undead herself,” said horrified Third Year BA student Rachael Crossley, describing how she witnessed the Original Infection.
The original zombie infection was reported at Goucher College in Baltimore in late 2005 by Chris Weed and Brad Sappington. Since then infections have sprung up all around the world in diverse locations, from military bases to public libraries.
In other countries, zombies have been known to be stunned by anything from marshmallows to rubber darts fired from blasters. The rare ‘Rhodes Zombie’ seemed immune to those weapons and was only affected by balled-up socks.
Dean of Students Dr Vivian de Klerk, whose office is rumoured to have funded the humans in their battle, and who personally felt “terrified” during the epidemic, stated that she hoped the infection had deterred even “the most dedicated drinkers from their favourite bars, at least for one week”.
Thankfully three humans escaped to safety on the final Friday of infection, returning to campus with a cure to administer to the rotting zombies.
Come Monday morning, the only sign that a full on war for survival had taken place were a few lonely, unclaimed socks lying discarded around campus.

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